they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
