omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
