I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
