i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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