so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
