when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize