ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
