fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm both gender and math confused
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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