Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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