That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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