I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
