i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
