Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I think I just sharted jello shots
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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