either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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