I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
