I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
