on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize