ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
