Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I looked at my own cervix.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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