My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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