Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
