Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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