he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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