This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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