tell your sister to shave her snatch
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
