I faked an abortion last night.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
