Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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