Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize