my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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