Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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