garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
