and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
