You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
