I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
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We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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