Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ketchup is God's man juice
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
