I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
