I cannot find my penis.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
