So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
