Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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