I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
