I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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