I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't deserve a penis
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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