Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
