I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
