my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
