Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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