i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
