I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He kissed a someone with a penis
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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