My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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