woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
