I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
