So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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