If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
