are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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