I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
