Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
