I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Are we still banned from the library?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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