I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
