So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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