I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
