It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
