omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
