i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
