God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
