6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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