I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is Oprah even human
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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