I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
