I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize