drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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